It's 7:45am and my mom is waking me up for breakfast with her. I roll over and drag myself out of my too-large-for-one-person-but-insanely-comfortable-so-I'm-never-giving-it-up bed and stumble down our delightfully creaky staircase. I fall into one of the wooden chairs around our kitchen table clutching the warm cup of coffee I just made. We sit and talk as natural light floods our yellow kitchen. As she takes off for work I will go off on a run. She drives and I run through our beautiful, wooded neighborhood. After I get back I put my tired body into the shower. I will then get dressed for the day, but not without standing in front of my overly full wardrobe wondering what in the world I am possibly going to wear. Once I've gotten dressed and spent the sufficient and unhealthy amount of time picking apart every visible flaw in the mirror, I may take off for work. I walk down our pathway, petting my dogs as I go, and get in my car. I drive out through our one-lane, country neighborhood and out into our small town. If I don't have work that day, I may lay around our house or get some things accomplished while remaining in a lazy summer haze.
I live such a comfortable life.
This past March was the 60th anniversary of the civil rights march led by Martin Luther King Jr. from Selma, Alabama to Montgomery, Alabama. Last year a movie was released chronicling the efforts of this march. I got to watch it recently. It was one of the most powerful movies I have ever seen. I felt such horror, shame, and amazement as I got to see a mere glimpse of what people have gone through to fight for what they believe in. It can make me ashamed of the comfortable life I live. A life that can become so absent of passion, so empty of fight, and so devoid of growth. In so many ways this is a beautiful life. I have a life full of love, grace, and depth. I have been so blessed. The largest amount of persecution I experience in my life comes often in the form of mere discomfort. Moments where I feel out of place or insecure. They are brief but stay with my consciousness. It can make me fearful of small things. Fearful of little moments where I must be different, little moments where I am highlighted, spotlighted, or simply looked at. This comfortable life can make it easy for me to not only hide but desire to hide. Now the romantic, superficial side of me can look at this and be scared that I won't be remembered. I can become scared that people won't look at me and think that I am going somewhere, doing something, and accomplishing things. However, that is a temporary mindset. I don't want to be remembered for what an impressive human I was. I want to be remembered for a soul full of love and passion because it was full of Christ. I want to do things for Him. I want to spread love and hope and passion everywhere as an extension of the love and hope and passion that comes from my Lord. I am so weak and fearful without it. I want to accomplish something with my life because it was given to me by God, not because I don't want to see it end without anything to show for it. I want to live a full life. A life so full of love, grace, and hope that I must pass it on to others. I don't know and honestly can't imagine how this mission will manifest itself. Overseas, in Hillsborough, in Wilmington, or anywhere else but I hope and pray that it does. I hope and pray that whatever I do in life I will constantly strive to make the mundane into spiritual, the everyday into extraordinary, and the unspiritual moments into moments full of grace.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
lessons learned part 2
So as many of you may know, I recently got a job at an ice cream store. This past monday I began working at Maple View Farm. So I figured I would post a more light-hearted list of lessons my first few days have taught me:
1.) I have a serious fear of getting stuck in walk-in freezers. (you couldn't pay me to walk in one of those and close the door)
2.) If I don't quickly learn to scoop ice cream ambidexturously I'm going to end up with a huge right arm and some bad tendonitis.
3.) Trying to shove large amount of ice cream requires much more skill and technique than I ever imagined. (still haven't figured that one out and many poor ice cream cones have been crushed by my overenthusiastic and forceful ice cream arm)
4.) Milk shake machines are obviously bitter about something because if you even tilt the cup the wrong way the entire thing will come shooting right back in your face and leave you looking like an incompetent milkshake making fool.
5.) Don't ever, I repeat EVER, mistake someone's little girl for a boy. (still turn bright red every time I recall that moment)
6.) You physically can't remember more than three ice cream orders at a time so don't even try or else that butter pecan in a sugar cone becomes a mango sorbet in a cup (I can't even figure out how those got mixed up in my mind)
7.) Waffle cone irons are terrifyingly hot.
8.) Tester spoons are extremely small and hard to control so either death grip them or run the risk of them shooting out of your hand at customers.
9.) "Waffle cone" has become my permanent after work perfume.
10.) There is no job like that at an ice cream store with its unique challenges, but there's no job I'd rather have.
So please come visit me! I look forward to getting better at my job and having fewer and fewer freak outs while there.
1.) I have a serious fear of getting stuck in walk-in freezers. (you couldn't pay me to walk in one of those and close the door)
2.) If I don't quickly learn to scoop ice cream ambidexturously I'm going to end up with a huge right arm and some bad tendonitis.
3.) Trying to shove large amount of ice cream requires much more skill and technique than I ever imagined. (still haven't figured that one out and many poor ice cream cones have been crushed by my overenthusiastic and forceful ice cream arm)
4.) Milk shake machines are obviously bitter about something because if you even tilt the cup the wrong way the entire thing will come shooting right back in your face and leave you looking like an incompetent milkshake making fool.
5.) Don't ever, I repeat EVER, mistake someone's little girl for a boy. (still turn bright red every time I recall that moment)
6.) You physically can't remember more than three ice cream orders at a time so don't even try or else that butter pecan in a sugar cone becomes a mango sorbet in a cup (I can't even figure out how those got mixed up in my mind)
7.) Waffle cone irons are terrifyingly hot.
8.) Tester spoons are extremely small and hard to control so either death grip them or run the risk of them shooting out of your hand at customers.
9.) "Waffle cone" has become my permanent after work perfume.
10.) There is no job like that at an ice cream store with its unique challenges, but there's no job I'd rather have.
So please come visit me! I look forward to getting better at my job and having fewer and fewer freak outs while there.
| 6900 Rocky Ridge Rd, Hillsborough, NC 27278
Come see me!
all my ice cream scoopin' love,
~haley grace
|
Monday, May 11, 2015
lessons learned
As my freshman year comes to a close, I wanted to take time to reflect back on the year. About four days ago I packed up my dorm and moved back home to sweet hillsborough. Distancing myself from wilmington has helped bring clarity to different truths, so here are the top five things I learned from freshmen year:
1.) Trust the journey.
Life is just one big journey with its many ups and downs and bends in the road. It is beautiful and painful all at once. It is confusing and surprising. My journey is unpredictable and challenging, just as it should be. Freshmen year was nothing like I thought it would be, but it was everything I needed it to be. This journey is intended to refine me and force me to grow and that it did. As I reflect I realize how necessary every high and low this year was in making me who I am.
2.) Live unapologetically.
I am who I am. Not to say that I am perfect and won't make mistakes, I will. And when I do I will apologize and strive to learn from them. However, I am not going to live life apologizing for the things about me that might be different. I am a follower of Jesus. I love country music. My family is everything to me. Sometimes I can't figure out how I feel. I talk too much. I feel deeply (sometimes too deeply). My emotions can get the best of me. I am an amazing person. I am striving to become more of the person I need to be, but the process won't be perfect. God knows that because he created me. I already have the approval of the one who truly matters and constantly searching for the approval of others is not only pointless, but painful.
3.) Live in the moment.
Cliche, I know, but nonetheless true! Life is full of beautiful moments that you need to be apart of. Sometimes the only thing you need to do is say "yes". And remember that time will fly and you will never regret the moments you decided to jump in that car for the midnight beach trip or go to that concert.
4.) The college bubble.
So you may have never heard this term but I've decided it needs to become a thing. It is real! Going to college I myself got sucked into it. It is, by definition, the feeling that college is all there is and nothing exists outside of your campus. It is a very selfish and immature view, I'll give you that. However, it still manifests itself in many ways: sacrificing your mental health for the sake of schoolwork, or neglecting your old (and awesome) friends for the new college ones, it is the inability to think of life after college and therefore the fact that some consequences of decisions you make now may come post college. For me the college bubble was evident in the way I felt about myself. I started to base my security on college- grades, friends, and how well I fit in. However, college isn't the end-all be-all. Life continues after college. Some of my friends are gonna have a pretty heavy hit when they realize this, especially the consequences that may come from the college bubble. Therefore, I've decided that college is great, but it isn't all there is to life. Keep perspective, friends!
5.) You can go home again.
A final but invaluable lesson. You may no longer live there majority of the year and it may never feel quite the same, but home is still home. It is still a safety net and a comforting meal. Home is a blessing not to be taken lightly. It is your last resort, your first call, and everything in between. Sometimes when everything else is falling apart all it takes is a trip back to this sacred place to put it all back together. So don't ever think you can't go home again.
As I sit on my front porch drinking my coffee with my dogs napping nearby, I can't help but feel yet another chapter in my life is coming to a close. It feels so good to have one year under my belt and I may flatter myself into believing the I am wiser for it. Freshmen year has taught me a lot and I hope I can take my new wisdom into the coming years and continue to grow and live life to the fullest.
your favorite college sophomore,
~haley grace
1.) Trust the journey.
Life is just one big journey with its many ups and downs and bends in the road. It is beautiful and painful all at once. It is confusing and surprising. My journey is unpredictable and challenging, just as it should be. Freshmen year was nothing like I thought it would be, but it was everything I needed it to be. This journey is intended to refine me and force me to grow and that it did. As I reflect I realize how necessary every high and low this year was in making me who I am.
2.) Live unapologetically.
I am who I am. Not to say that I am perfect and won't make mistakes, I will. And when I do I will apologize and strive to learn from them. However, I am not going to live life apologizing for the things about me that might be different. I am a follower of Jesus. I love country music. My family is everything to me. Sometimes I can't figure out how I feel. I talk too much. I feel deeply (sometimes too deeply). My emotions can get the best of me. I am an amazing person. I am striving to become more of the person I need to be, but the process won't be perfect. God knows that because he created me. I already have the approval of the one who truly matters and constantly searching for the approval of others is not only pointless, but painful.
3.) Live in the moment.
Cliche, I know, but nonetheless true! Life is full of beautiful moments that you need to be apart of. Sometimes the only thing you need to do is say "yes". And remember that time will fly and you will never regret the moments you decided to jump in that car for the midnight beach trip or go to that concert.
4.) The college bubble.
So you may have never heard this term but I've decided it needs to become a thing. It is real! Going to college I myself got sucked into it. It is, by definition, the feeling that college is all there is and nothing exists outside of your campus. It is a very selfish and immature view, I'll give you that. However, it still manifests itself in many ways: sacrificing your mental health for the sake of schoolwork, or neglecting your old (and awesome) friends for the new college ones, it is the inability to think of life after college and therefore the fact that some consequences of decisions you make now may come post college. For me the college bubble was evident in the way I felt about myself. I started to base my security on college- grades, friends, and how well I fit in. However, college isn't the end-all be-all. Life continues after college. Some of my friends are gonna have a pretty heavy hit when they realize this, especially the consequences that may come from the college bubble. Therefore, I've decided that college is great, but it isn't all there is to life. Keep perspective, friends!
5.) You can go home again.
A final but invaluable lesson. You may no longer live there majority of the year and it may never feel quite the same, but home is still home. It is still a safety net and a comforting meal. Home is a blessing not to be taken lightly. It is your last resort, your first call, and everything in between. Sometimes when everything else is falling apart all it takes is a trip back to this sacred place to put it all back together. So don't ever think you can't go home again.
As I sit on my front porch drinking my coffee with my dogs napping nearby, I can't help but feel yet another chapter in my life is coming to a close. It feels so good to have one year under my belt and I may flatter myself into believing the I am wiser for it. Freshmen year has taught me a lot and I hope I can take my new wisdom into the coming years and continue to grow and live life to the fullest.
and I am truly going to miss wilmington this summer.
your favorite college sophomore,
~haley grace
Monday, April 13, 2015
in this moment
In this moment, I am insecure. I am doubtful. I am stressed and I am worried. I think too much about my appearance and cry too much about temporary troubles. In this moment, I am imperfect in every way imaginable. But do you want to know what's cool about this moment? In this moment, I have spent one year cleansed and reconciled to God through baptism and the washing away of my sins. In this moment, I have a relationship with the most faithful and wonderful God in all the universe. I am safe and I am secure.
This year has been the biggest and most overwhelming adventure of my entire life. I faced things I never thought I would (and would have been ok if I never had to). I grew in ways I never believed I would. This year was indispensable to my faith. I faced challenges and lost in many ways. But God didn't. He has used this year to teach me and because of that, I am victorious. This year has taught me that I can survive without so many things I thought I couldn't. I learned through all of these ups and downs that God is all I need. I am strong in Him and I am strong enough through his love to face the waves of life that hit me. I am strong enough because He is strong enough. I am so grateful for the year I have gotten to spend in His deep, unshakeable, and unimaginable love. I look forward to this life I get to spend with Him. I look forward to the amazing things He will do through me and the ways in which I will grow. I am so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way, I don't deserve the love that has been poured out on me. So I want to thank you all.
This year has been the biggest and most overwhelming adventure of my entire life. I faced things I never thought I would (and would have been ok if I never had to). I grew in ways I never believed I would. This year was indispensable to my faith. I faced challenges and lost in many ways. But God didn't. He has used this year to teach me and because of that, I am victorious. This year has taught me that I can survive without so many things I thought I couldn't. I learned through all of these ups and downs that God is all I need. I am strong in Him and I am strong enough through his love to face the waves of life that hit me. I am strong enough because He is strong enough. I am so grateful for the year I have gotten to spend in His deep, unshakeable, and unimaginable love. I look forward to this life I get to spend with Him. I look forward to the amazing things He will do through me and the ways in which I will grow. I am so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way, I don't deserve the love that has been poured out on me. So I want to thank you all.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
God gives me peace, joy, and security. Making the decision to live in His love is, was, and always will be the best decision I have ever made. I can't wait for the adventures this life will take me on.
Monday, March 23, 2015
"all that is gold does not glitter..."
alright I know I've quoted Lord of the Rings before but come on the spiritual depth of those books (and movies ;)) is astounding. and I believe that it can be attributed to the fact that Tolkien used to meet and write with C.S. Lewis. That has got to be one of the coolest literary friendships of all time. But in the Fellowship of the Ring, this poem is written:
- "All that is gold does not glitter,
- Not all those who wander are lost;
- The old that is strong does not wither,
- Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
This poem is insanely cool, the spiritual meaning behind it blows me away. I think the line "all that is gold does not glitter" is extremely poignant and can also be reversed as "all that glitters is not gold". One of the major lessons I'm learning right now is to not lose perspective. To not place value on things that hold little value in my life and to not devalue the most valuable things in my life. I can so often be blinded by the "glitter" of the world and the appeal of it and it can make me see less value in living a life for God. The last two lines amaze me. I feel like it would be difficult to interpret this as anything besides staying strong in the spiritual battle long into old age. Also, the connection between the first line and the last astounds me. "Deep roots are not touched by the frost" is the solution to keeping perspective in my walk with God. Having roots deep in God's word and deep in my relationship with him is what is going to allow me to not whither in old age. I want to be strong. I want to have wisdom that sees what is truly gold in my life. I don't ever want to be tempted by the pyrite of the world that satan puts in my path. I know where I'm going and I won't change my path for something that just shines in a moment of sunlight. God's gold shines continuously. It shines whether my path is sunny and bright or even if it's gloomy. He is the true gold and the gold that I would give up everything for.
I also found this super cool image of the quote:
hello new phone background :)
All my LOTR love,
~haley grace
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
march madness
wow. can you believe what a negligent blogger I've been? I'm sure my multitude of avid readers have been on the edges of their seats waiting for my next post, and for that I apologize. ;)
so to satisfy your longing for a new post here goes:
March 3, 2015- the eighth month of my freshmen year, the eleventh month of my walk with God, and almost the midterm mark of my second semester. Life is a whirlwind. I am enjoying my life here in wilmington and begging God to go ahead and bring me back the beautiful weather I so love. It has been frigid here, but none of the beautiful snow that those back home are experiencing. I have half a week until spring break and I absolutely can not wait! As it turns out, I am not going to be going on any big adventures for the week but I think God knows exactly what I need and a low-key, relaxing week back home is probably just what the doctor ordered for me. I am overjoyed to get to spend the week with my family- especially my brother who has the same break as me!
alright, alright enough intro and I'll get down to the big stuff:
I started teaching at a middle school. I work in a poetry program through one of my classes here at uncw. I have two students that I am required to fool into thinking that I know even the slightest thing about writing poetry (which is kind of a stretch for me). It has been quite an adventure. They are very sweet and I couldn't have asked for better students, but I am trying to figure out if this is what I want to do. It can be really, really intimidating. This is the class that people usually figure out if they love or hate teaching and I am still floating somewhere out there trying to tell which one I'm feeling. But I am so grateful for the opportunity to see! These are my students:
so to satisfy your longing for a new post here goes:
March 3, 2015- the eighth month of my freshmen year, the eleventh month of my walk with God, and almost the midterm mark of my second semester. Life is a whirlwind. I am enjoying my life here in wilmington and begging God to go ahead and bring me back the beautiful weather I so love. It has been frigid here, but none of the beautiful snow that those back home are experiencing. I have half a week until spring break and I absolutely can not wait! As it turns out, I am not going to be going on any big adventures for the week but I think God knows exactly what I need and a low-key, relaxing week back home is probably just what the doctor ordered for me. I am overjoyed to get to spend the week with my family- especially my brother who has the same break as me!
alright, alright enough intro and I'll get down to the big stuff:
I started teaching at a middle school. I work in a poetry program through one of my classes here at uncw. I have two students that I am required to fool into thinking that I know even the slightest thing about writing poetry (which is kind of a stretch for me). It has been quite an adventure. They are very sweet and I couldn't have asked for better students, but I am trying to figure out if this is what I want to do. It can be really, really intimidating. This is the class that people usually figure out if they love or hate teaching and I am still floating somewhere out there trying to tell which one I'm feeling. But I am so grateful for the opportunity to see! These are my students:
aren't they precious?
secondly:
I have been reading secure in heart and realized just what a mess I am. A crazy, confused, emotional, insecure mess but its OK! do you hear me? I said that I am OK being the hot mess I am. Or at least I'm starting to get there. I have the most amazing life and even if sometimes it couldn't be further from where I pictured it being, it is exactly what I need. I am learning so much about myself and some things I'm proud of and others not so much, but I'm learning that both aspects of my character are invaluable to my growth as a disciple.
What else is going on in my life?
Well spring break is in THREE DAYS and I could not be happier (unless of course it was supposed to be warm), but I get to spend a week at home and I am ecstatic!
Well wilmington is treating me well and I am looking forward to being home for a week. If there is anything you guys (is there a you guys?) want to hear about let me know and I'm happy to share anything!
Love you and can't wait to be back in a couple days!
Dreaming of spring break,
~haley grace
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Jesus Is...
So recently I've been challenged multiple times to define who Jesus is to me. I've never taken the time to sit down and define who Jesus is to me and I was pretty appalled by that, after all He is my Lord! Therefore taking the time to articulate exactly who and what He is for me sounded pretty refreshing. So here goes:
Jesus is first and foremost my Lord. He is also my brother, my friend, and the love of my life. He is my all. He is my sanctuary. He is the one I can turn to when my world is falling apart. Jesus is someone who will never judge me. He is my life source. My encourager, my challenger, and my refresher. He helps me face each day new and cleansed. Jesus is everything and more. He fills the deepest desires of my heart, no matter how complex or difficult to understand. He knows what I need when even I don't. He can calm my fears, answer the questions that plague my soul, satisfy my thirst for knowledge, and call me to let these things drive me closer to Him. He is perfect, everlasting, all-knowing. He is a part of my soul that I could not live without. He completes me. He makes me better. He calls me higher. Jesus reminds me that I am apart of something bigger. He tells me each day that I am stronger than I've ever imagined, believed, or dreamt. However, He also reminds me that I am small, insignificant, and weak. He reminds me that I am nothing. I am a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Jesus tells me to look at the ocean, the flowers of the field, the trees of the forest, and the animals that roam the earth and realize the amount and magnitude of life that exists and see that I am apart of all of it. I am not the ruler of it, but simply an inhabitant. But then he puts his arm around my shoulders and says, "But it is for you, all for you. Despite, how small and fragile you are, I have created this for you. I have loved you despite who you are." Jesus is everything I need.
Jesus is first and foremost my Lord. He is also my brother, my friend, and the love of my life. He is my all. He is my sanctuary. He is the one I can turn to when my world is falling apart. Jesus is someone who will never judge me. He is my life source. My encourager, my challenger, and my refresher. He helps me face each day new and cleansed. Jesus is everything and more. He fills the deepest desires of my heart, no matter how complex or difficult to understand. He knows what I need when even I don't. He can calm my fears, answer the questions that plague my soul, satisfy my thirst for knowledge, and call me to let these things drive me closer to Him. He is perfect, everlasting, all-knowing. He is a part of my soul that I could not live without. He completes me. He makes me better. He calls me higher. Jesus reminds me that I am apart of something bigger. He tells me each day that I am stronger than I've ever imagined, believed, or dreamt. However, He also reminds me that I am small, insignificant, and weak. He reminds me that I am nothing. I am a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Jesus tells me to look at the ocean, the flowers of the field, the trees of the forest, and the animals that roam the earth and realize the amount and magnitude of life that exists and see that I am apart of all of it. I am not the ruler of it, but simply an inhabitant. But then he puts his arm around my shoulders and says, "But it is for you, all for you. Despite, how small and fragile you are, I have created this for you. I have loved you despite who you are." Jesus is everything I need.
and finally, Jesus is the vine. He refines me and prunes me to be more like him and become more fruitful. He challenges me and adores me. I am the branch. I am alive for His glory and His purpose. I will live only if I remain in Him. He is my life source. I have started to wear this necklace (a gift from my mommy and brother). It is a tree branch (see picture, hopefully you can see it). It is a reminder that I am apart of something that is pure and alive. Everyday. It is my world. My true desire is to remain in the vine and in its protection and love.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:4-5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)