my excuse for everything... EXAMS.

so it's been a while since I've posted... it's because of exams.
I may be emotionally unstable for the next two weeks... it's because of exams.
I might not be emotionally and mentally prepared for christmas... it's because of exams.
sorry I started crying when I spilt coffee on myself... it's because of exams.
If I look like I forgot how to dress myself... it's because of exams.

you get the picture right? please don't hold anything against me that happens in the next two weeks because I'm pretending that exams are a valid excuse for all of it (I know it's not).
If anyone wants to send encouragement my way or remind me that I need to stop acting like a psycho here's my exam schedule with a guide on the level of crazy you can expect that day:

Friday the 5th: Weather and Climate Exam; not cumulative but need to do really well so a moderate level of crazy.
Monday the 8th: Math Exam; cumulative and it's math so obviously high levels of crazy.
Tuesday the 9th: Communications Exam; not cumulative so low levels of crazy (hopefully).
Thursday the 11th: History Exam; cumulative and last day to this one is hard to predict BUT I GET TO GO HOME AFTER!!

and for all you people who ask me in the near future how I'm liking college and I say I want to be home it is not because I don't like wilmington because I promise I do, it's simply because it's december and I need and want to be home for all of the festivity!

can't wait to see all of you beautiful people on the flip side!

and here's a pretty accurate description of finals week as told by one of the greatest christmas movies of all time that I may have laughed at hysterically because I'm already losing it:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lucyh3/exam-week-as-told-by-elf-147h

wish me luck!
~haley grace

happiness, love, and decisions

Recently, I have been slightly out of control (what's new?). I have felt very numb and a little freaked out by that. Now, I hate to say it but I'm not sure this is one of those blog posts where I talk about how crazy I am but at the end it all comes together and is fine. In fact, this might be more of a cry for help in some ways.
I've been getting a lot of bad news lately and sometimes I feel like I can't take much more. I allow myself to feel like I'm drowning and can become overwhelmed by my emotions. I can start to feel very unhappy and become extremely selfish. I didn't have much of an idea where I was going with this blog post when I started but as I think about how "unhappy" I am, I wonder what "happiness" really means. Google defines it as "a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."
Personally, I think happiness is a decision. Everyone has good things in their lives. Especially me. I have an amazing family. I have wonderful friends who care deeply about me. I have known more love in my 19 years than some people will know in their entire lives. I have seen amazing things and been amazing places. I have so much good. Sure there's bad, but that's a part of life. I think that happiness is deciding to focus on those good things and accept the bad. When I lose sight of this, that's when I lose sight of the truth and the hope I have.
Lately, I have felt very weak and wondered if I was failing. I wondered if I could do this, live this life, keep fighting, keep loving, and continue to be the best disciple I could be. I talked to my mom and she made it so simple. I can do this, it's a matter of if I want to. When I realized that I have the strength and the ability to continue in this fight because of God, and that I just need to decide that I want to do this I was blown away. God isn't giving up on me and I have to understand that that's because there's nothing I can do to make him do so. His love for me is so immense that I can't fail enough for it to end. Even if I decide to stop loving him, He will never stop loving me.
Now that brings me to point #2. Just like happiness is a decision, so is love. Now on April 13, 2014 I made the decision to love God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind. This was a decision. And it is a decision every hour of every day. A decision I have to fight for and stand with. A decision I have no intention of ever going back on.
So with all that being said, I guess I'm asking for any encouragement, wisdom, or challenges anyone wants to share with me. How you make the decision to be happy and make the decision to love.

In an effort to focus on the good and decide to be happy here are some great things that have happened recently (some of them may be little, but hey it helps me!):

• I painted my nails perfectly last night.
• I'm drinking an amazing cup of coffee as I write this.
• I know that each day God refreshes me and cleanses me.
• I get to go home this weekend!
• I have an amazing big sister here in wilmington that I get to pour my heart out to without feeling insecure or judged (shoutouts to alexis ann paterson, you are my other half!).
• I cried as I wrote this and that is one of the first times in a long time I have been deeply cut and seen what an amazing life I have and how silly it is to lose sight.
• Some of my most amazing friends are still faithful and give me hope and joy.
• This week is very chill and I don't have much to do! woo!
• I'm listening to Taylor Swift's new album as I write this.

Thank you all for sticking with my crazy, and thanks to you all and to God for the encouragement and joy I am sure I will experience this week and the rest of my life. I am so blessed and so grateful.

In all my craziness and sometimes stupidity (ok a lot of times),

~haley grace

song of the open road

I have decided that whenever I find some writing (poem, song lyrics, quotes, etc.) I am going to put them on this blog so I won't forget. Here's the first:

afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road ,
healthy, free, the world before me,
the long brown path before me leading wherever
       I choose.
henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune.
                           -- Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

I'm in love with that line, "healthy, free, the world before me..." So cool!

that's all for now,
~haley grace

a lovely reminder

so last night at bible talk we read this scripture and talked about how often it can be mistaken. God isn't saying that everything is going to be easy, but he is saying that in every situation we can have hope. And the hope that God gives us will never disappoint. 

nineteen years young

I hadn't had much time to think about my birthday this year. In fact it snuck up on me a little bit because I had so many other things going on in my life. However, when it was actually my birthday there was such an outpour of love from everyone around me that I felt so encouraged. I hadn't thought about it much but it was exactly what I needed. To be reminded that I'm only 19 and that I am going to have days where I just need to be taken care of and loved. I am so grateful for all of those around me who care so deeply for me and took the time to make sure I felt valued. It was exactly what I needed and my heart is so full.
Lately I've been feeling a lot of pressure to figure out what I want to do with my career, life, time, etc. Recently one of my professors encouraged me to look into earth science as a major and this threw my carefully and meticulously planned out future into a whirlwind. I have been planning for a while to get my degree in Elementary Education with a minor in Spanish and go on to grad school to get my masters in Occupational Therapy. I have always known that I want to pick a career that allows me to help people and that is what teaching was for me. I wanted to minor in Spanish so that I could if not teach in a foreign country, at least teach in an area with a high Spanish-speaking population so I could help provide support to families that may not speak English at home. Also, I never want my knowledge to become obsolete or irrelevant. I really wanted to pick a career that would allow me to continue learning and progressing. That is what Occupational Therapy was for me. I decided that I wanted to work with early intervention in children with Autism and similar disabilities. I heard about the research going into this area and the difference it can make in the severity of children's conditions if you intervene early on in their development. I was always so sure of these things. However, I'm taking a weather and climate class that I found immensely interesting and then when my professor told me I'm actually good at it freaked me out! Now there's another whole realm of possibilities for me to look into. And I am totally stressed out.
Now as I write this and imagine reading it as someone else I can't help but laugh at myself. I am 19 years young and a freshman in college. If there's anything I have it's time. Lately I have been told much to my dismay (shoutout to my mom) that I make problems out of things that aren't even problems yet. And it is true and I am embarrassed. I take the joy out of my life sometimes by worrying about the future and I just can't do that anymore! I keep coming back to this scripture:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

and I can't help but smile because I am convinced that God had me in mind when he says this. Isn't that the truth? Tomorrow has plenty of trouble but I just don't have to worry about that! I can't do that to myself or to God. I need to trust that or else it will destroy me and take every ounce of joy from my life!

at least I know that I want to help people and never stop learning and I know God will guide me to the perfect career and who cares if I'm an Elementary Ed. and Geoscience double major with a minor in Spanish and a master in OT? At least I'll have options ;).

On Halloween our campus ministry volunteered at a trunk or treat in a kinda rough part of wilmington. It reminded me of how much I just adore kids and want to get to make a difference in their lives. At least I know that much, I love kids and I want to do something that allows me to impact people. This is me with one of the cutest little boys ever! and yes I am dressed as a really lame cat and yes those are ears made out of paper and colored with a sharpie. It was a little last minute, what can I say?

the one where I turned 19

It is 12:07 am and I am officially 19! Now this birthday is quite anticlimatic unfortunately, but it is 19. How old does that sound?! I'm not sure how I feel about that. So now I am nineteen and looking forward to being a total birthday diva-princess when I wake up tomorrow... I might even have a crown ;).
Now having that said, there are much more important things going on in my life (I know, I know I'm getting so much older and wiser). This past weekend I got to go to the Campus Ministry Assembly at Hilton Head. It was all the my heart needed and more. I got to be reunited with my best best friends and nothing could have been so encouraging. Getting to step back from my world and realize that all of my friends are going through everything I am and they are still standing gave me so much strength. It was a great time to just refresh my perspective and see the bigger picture. There has been a lot going on in my life lately and in our campus ministry here in wilmington and I have found it really easy to lose focus. I just want to say that I'm grateful for a God who always seeks to reassure me and give me the hope I don't have access to anywhere else.

here are some pictures from the weekend!

 

      

So it is my birthday and I can't wait to celebrate with all my friends here in wilmington but I am sure I will be deeply missing all of my family and friends that don't get to be here with me on this day. Therefore, I want to take a second to thank all of the wonderful people who have made the past 18 birthdays so special, you guys are the best. I can't wait to make new birthday memories with new people and still treasure all the others. 

birthday love,

~haley grace

is life crazy, or is that just me?

What a week. College is in full swing and life is in full swing. Do you ever feel like you're being hit from every angle? Well that was me this week. Two tests, essays, quizzes, and stress. And this weekend we are heading to Hilton Head for a campus retreat so there was also all the prep for that. It's times like these I find it the hardest to hold on to my joy. When I am being pulled in so many different directions, even the things I am excited to do can put a strain on me. Honestly, I think that is exactly how Satan works. There is nothing more depressing than not even enjoying the things you usually love. But the thing is, you are stealing the joy from yourself by giving into this. I think I've been learning a lot about priority. The other day I saw a quote and it was "Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die left undone." Now I know to never trust anything you read on the internet and of course Pablo Picasso may never have said that, but I don't think that makes it any less true. There are so many things I fill my day with that are irrelevant. that don't actually benefit me in any way. Now, mom and dad I promise I'm not swearing off school work or studying ;) but I am saying that a.) I need to be spending time with my God, and b.) I need to put value on the right things. Sure getting 8 hours of sleep is great but not as great as spending time with my sisters. And yes getting every itty bitty assignment I need to get done for the week is great but not as great as spending time with my Creator. Now I'm not going to take it to the extremes I'm just saying that I'm starting to see what matters in my life and who I can truly and fully depend on and that is my God.

So, with that being said I am so looking forward to getting to go to HILTON HEAD this weekend! and getting to spend time with my amazing Creator and just fall back in love with him because there is no one who deserves my love more. I pray that I can enjoy it all and not stress the small stuff. Keep me in your hearts and prayers as I travel on this journey and strive to live for my Father and love my life!
yours always,
~haley grace

me holding on to my joy (cheesy, I know)

and doing what I do best: annoying other people and ruining their artsy pictures ;)