true love, true happiness.

Now I suppose it is time for another more serious of blog posts. I know you all have felt long overdue for hearing my deepest thoughts and feelings so here you go:
Yesterday my big sister here in Wilmington, Alexis, asked me if I was truly happy and what makes me happy. So in my usual go-to strategy for figuring things out (which I'm sure I inherit from my mom) I decided to make a list of what makes me happy:
- perfect weather
- little notes and letters
- coffee
- shopping
- good grades
- the beach
- decorating
- reading
- my family

and as I was making this list I came to realize that God was not first. Now of course I launched into complete and total distress. What does this mean? Am I a terrible person? Am I a terrible Christian? Has my relationship with God been so much worse than I thought? But then she encouraged me to think of the happiest day of my life. And as I was thinking about this it was so clear. The happiest, best, most wonderful day of my life was the day I go baptized. I'm not going to lie (mainly because so many people already know this and would totally call me out) I was absolutely terrified. I felt the immensity of this decision very deeply and wanted to make it with all the right motives and at the perfect time. I complicated it so much. I had so many thoughts and feelings and fears running through my mind. What if I don't make it as a disciple? What if I'm not good enough? Or strong enough? Or brave enough? What if it's not the right time? I allowed my heart and mind to be consumed with all these thoughts and fears. However, (yes, there is a good side to this, I promise!) when I would get so worked up about this all I had to do was look to God and state the facts.
- God loves me.
- I love God.
- His Son died for me and my sin and rose again three days later.
and lastly:
- No I cannot do this myself, no I will not make it to the end by myself, no I am not strong/good/brave enough on my own. But that is not what this is about. This is about coming into a relationship with the one person who can make me all those things. The one person who takes me as I am, all my faults and imperfections, and covers me with his Son's blood so that He can look on me with favor.
As I look at the facts and forget all of the feelings satan can so often cloud my mind with, I remember the truth and am once again cut to the heart. I once again see what I realized when I first made the decision to make Jesus Lord of my life, God is true love and true happiness. Is there anything more refreshing?
So yes, Alexis I am truly happy because I am in love with the one person who offers that. But I must make one last disclaimer, no I am not always perfectly joyful and secure but I know that I am learning and growing in that each and every day.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither heigh nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

I hope this blog post helps, I know my thoughts can be all over the place so maybe this makes absolutely no sense but it did help me to write it down :)

To end this on a lighter note I'M GOING HOME TODAY! Hurrah for Fall Break! How I ever survived without it in high school, I will never know!

A little countdown for you all:
19 days til my birthday!
75 days til Christmas!

Much love,
~haley grace

p.s. I'm laughing at the calm, normal ending to this absolutely wacko blog post.

Here's some pictures from this week in wilmy:

one of the main fountains on campus was dyed pink for Breast Cancer Awareness month, which I just thought was the coolest.

and here's a very low-quality picture from the beach the other night, but there was a full moon and it was absolutely breath taking.